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Home Instruction for Stroke

And so it was that she came to stay with me, neither of us knowing how long for, both believing it was the only possible next step to try to help her find some stability in her life.

She was traumatised when she arrived with me and I tried to think of all the possible ways in which I might create moments of peaceful contentment, if not of joy, in this limited new life of hers.

I served her favourite foods: sticky toffee pudding with luxury custard; Thai green chicken curry with coconut rice; slices of buttered toast and hot chocolate in bed at 9pm to close her day.

So I felt privileged to have time with her to chew the fat: to watch films on what felt like stolen afternoons, to help with her speech and language therapy, to read the newspaper to her, to be a hand in the darkness post-stroke.

Not that it was plain sailing. I often saw an unpleasant, exasperated side of myself when I was tired. But I will give myself credit for finding stamina, resilience and good cheer even on the toughest days.

Giving up my bed, my room, my space, seemed natural. Living an unfamiliar life — part-care worker, part-nurse, part-cleaner, part-babysitter — just felt like something I had to get on with.

Millions of people, — children, teenagers and adults — do this bone-wearying work every day of their lives for no thanks or acknowledgement.

Damn tough. Mum would wake me several times in the middle of the night — too hot, too cold, hungry, heard a strange noise, had a bad dream. That was a terrible strain but, for a while, it was inevitable until, at some point, she found that stability we had hoped for and could make it through the night.

Someone asked me if I am a better person for what we have been through. Am I less selfish? Certainly less self-absorbed but, actually, I have come to see myself in a more positive light.

I had to make the shift from busy working woman to unpaid full-time carer in the blink of an eye, and I did so more smoothly than I would ever have thought possible.

Mum is not a big giver of advice, nor is she a woman of bon mots: she has always led by quiet, stoical example.

Her father had survived one but with such awful brain injuries that he spent the last years of his life slumped in a hammock in a care home, unable to speak or move.

So when Mum had a stroke, it was no surprise that she turned her face to the wall. Unable to speak a word in a hospital bed, she constantly mimed shooting herself in the head — her way of telling us she wanted to die when she had no words.

When she did find the words, a few months down the line, she asked me to take her to Dignitas in Switzerland to die. Back in her own home, looking at the garden that is her pride and joy, surrounded by the stuff accumulated over a lifetime, she will hopefully thrive.

My home is an emptier place in all senses and I wonder where I am now in my own life. I am 60 years old, never more aware of my own mortality and feeling rather lost, if I am honest.

Travel has been my great joy, whether with friends or on working trips, three or four times a year, to explore unusual destinations for magazines and newspapers.

Life has become quieter, more home-centred, simpler: part of me is happy with that, part of me wonders if I have just forgotten how to enjoy myself.

She has had to learn how to live differently. And I will do the same. Argos AO. Due to stroke my Dad also have other problems like insomnia, water retention and varicose veins.

Until one fine day, my customer Ms. I was skeptical and having doubts how just by wearing a pants can cure my dad. I try to research more and manage to find many testimonials in Social media and Youtube.

Somehow he manage to gain his strength and courage to stand up and try walking by lifting up his left leg slowly. I feel like I can cry every minute of the day.

I just want her to get better. I know it takes time and patience but it is so hard to have it. All I keep thinking is when is she going to die.

I am so sorry Betha! I feel your pain. My mom had a heart attack 2 days before Xmas last year! Hang in there! Trust the doctors , ask questions and pray!

You would feel very supported if you could get a therapist or counselor or somebody you can talk to face to face during this really hard time in your life.

I know this is hard. Cry and cast your cares to God, He will hear you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.

Do not fear or be dismayed. You must feel so terrible. Don't feel bad if you need some kind of medication to get through this. Bless you Betha.

My dad had a stroke last year 60 years old. Be there and strong for your mother, she needs you. My prayers are with you. I'm so sorry you are going through this Bertha!

I too have just received some catastrophic health news about a family member and understand a little bit about what you are going through.

What I've come to know in my heart is that there is hope, there is healing and moving forward after medical crisis and it's found by placing my loved one into Jesus healing arms and letting go of my fear, my worry and my thoughts on how life was supposed to be and willingly leave my family member at the only place where they can best receive help.

I pray you have a source of strength in a friend or mentor or someone who loves you who will come along side you and speak hope into your heart.

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